Life goes on

So the fiancé left and went back to work about 2 weeks ago.
He won't be home until just before Christmas and leaves shortly after New Years.

*breathe*

I talk to people about him being gone and how I/we deal. Most of them look at me like their mind is BLOWN that I'd "allow" him to do such a thing. Some I'm sure think I'm crazy for doing this parenting thing solo by choice (some days they're right....). He and I have experienced the long-distance relationship more than once since we started dating almost 7 years ago. Within the first month of our relationship he left for east coast of USA. That trip was 4 mo. About 8 mo after he came back, he left for a total of 9 mo to Taiwan. I know that he and I can survive this. Our relationship is stronger than the distance. M is learning that sometimes Daddy is here at the table in the morning and sometimes we see him on the computer.

I have so so so much respect for all our military families all over the world who not only do the solo-life thing when their partner is gone but also have to add in the danger element. I know that what we go through is not comparable at all do what they do but I find myself understanding and wishing that there was the support groups for us who are left at home with partners either working away domestically or internationally but are not military.

The fiancé is in a safe area of the world(surrounded by some areas that have recently undergone not so safe circumstances) and we get to talk everyday but when he's late coming online or we miss each other(lately because he's fallen asleep and missed our time) I do have a little panic. I'll admit to googling where he is and seeing if any crazy news has happened while I've been sleeping.

I have to take each day at a time. Some days I just can't bring myself to get out of the house even to go down to the park, and other days I know that I will lose what little patience I have that day if I don't get out and just breathe.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Day by day it gets closer.

There are days that just about break me. But when I'm sitting on the floor taking a minute so I don't lose it on a toddler who just wants to see and get into everything and she shoves her face into mine to see what I'm doing it gives me hope.

Even as the challenges add up and sometimes crash down on us all at once I know one thing. Tomorrow will come. Life will go on. I can do this. WE can do this.

We will survive.